The Art of Ghosting - Sushmita Malakar Blog

Thursday, July 13, 2017

The Art of Ghosting

I have been planning to post this blog post since I don't know when. But I guess now is the right time.

I have gone on a number of dates in my past and have successfully ghosted out almost all of them before settling down with the feeling that this needs to stop. Not because it's wrong or something but because I have had my share of adventures in this arena and it was time for me to move and explore something new - like a stable relationship may be!

Image result for ghosting meme
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So, what exactly do I, or anyone else, mean by the term Ghosting?

Ghosting is broadly defined as ending a personal relationship with someone without giving any explanation and withdrawing all source of communication. 

The Urban Dictionary elaborates it,




Mooning or breadcrumbing are the more contemporary words which are replacing ghosting nowadays (these kids, I tell you). However, ghosting remains the broadly defining term for the heart-breaks and escaping-the-heartbreak-strategy.

So, ghosting might make you sound like one hell of a coward or a shitty person but after having ghosted and being ghosted, I can safely say that doing so might be the wisest decision of your life. Of course, ghosting a co-worker or family friend might not be a great idea but otherwise it is completely okay, if it is a well thought of decision. 

The foremost way of identifying if you are going to be ghosted is to trust your gut feeling and NOT to listen to what anything below that tells you! Once you see that there are no efforts coming from the other side to plan any dates or meetings, you know its time to move on. And please, don't act too desperate when this happens. Maintain your dignity and self - respect and everything else should be fine. 

The whole point of the concept of dating is to take things steady and slow, get to know each other and then decide if commitment is worth the risk. Therefore, if at all, at any point in time you realize you can not and the other person is too clingy, ghost them. If it is wrong, karma will get back to you!

I once met this douche who pretended to be something he was not. Well, that helped him with the first impression. And later on when I realized that he is one kind of a loser (pretty harsh, but trust me it takes one to be a idiot of the highest order to be termed as a loser by me) and I started maintaining my distance. But yes, he got way too clingy and I ghosted him out. Blocking him and all that crap. But it helped me and I am sure it must have helped him in someway. Probably I was also pretty sure to ghost him because I was convinced that he was just a rebound.

Another time, I found this extremely wonderful guy - tall, tanned, handsome and smart - and we started dating. But after two dates I realized I am not ready and I just ghosted him. That is probably the most hurtful thing I could have ever done I never called him back or anything, I didn't know at that time what karma has in store for me. It was not a cowardly act because if you look at it - giving reasons, trying to talk it out, staying in touch even if it is not working out - all this drama without any commitment is just exhausting.

And then, there was Karma. When I was ready and found this nearly perfect guy, I caught the signs which told me that I am just being kept an option in his life. I was probably at the verge of being ghosted but before that could happen, I just made my sane decision. Now, that is also okay. He was exploring his options and we had no commitments towards each other, so I can not term it being mean.

The modern day dating culture is pretty heartbreaking. But everyone is doing it. And deep down, we all for once, must have been mean or deceiving. Practically, this culture should not therefore hurt anyone. Coming to the moral quotient of this culture, there are way too many things that are morally wrong and ghosting is nowhere near them. I mean come to think of it, in an age when you are Tinder-ing the person you want to date, you are expecting morality? Hypocritical, no?


Author's Note
Ghosting is emerging in this digital era because it is so easy to find someone to hook up to. Similarly, it is as easy to disappear from someone's life as easily you appeared. Ghosting is good and bad, depending on what side of the table you are. But ghosting is far more better than other immoral things like cheating. 

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2 comments:

Pooja Mahimkar said...

The modern day dating culture scares me at times

Sushmita Malakar said...

@Pooja
Yes, it is indeed scary. BUt you have to be responsible for your actions - that is the best escape!