As you like it! (?) - Sushmita Malakar Blog

Thursday, July 16, 2015

As you like it! (?)

She used to drop him home after every date. This time, however, it was not the usual. While  coming, she thought that it would be just like the regular weekend date when they will talk about their not-so-happening jobs, a long weekend plan and almost everything in life. Li'l did she know that this would turn out to be the last date. 

Amidst the loud music of the cafe, she could clearly hear his words, which echoed for a long time, drowning all the noise from the surroundings - I think we are done. 

Too numb to react or ask anything, she hastily came out and drove back. That is it, an era ended for her. For them. 

 A usual break -up story, no? But there is certainly more to it. Only the two people involved know the intricacies of their relationship. However, this post is an open letter to the guys who, out of their escapist tendencies, make the choices which lack every bit of compassion. 

"It is not you, it is just that we don't and we can not work."

You might often say that your girl is the most wonderful human being who is loving, caring, cute and everything else that you could have asked for and probably don't deserve her. But hey, hold on! You are with her and that is a proof enough that you might have done something good to have her with you. Trust me, karma is not always a bitch. 

"I don't like the fact that your life completely revolves around me. You don't have to change yourself to be with me, do what I like. I just want you to be yourself."

If this is one of those excuses that you make before dumping your girlfriend who is probably the best girl you have known, then trust me, this is just your self-conscience talking - saving you from the guilt trip that you might have. If she tries to understand your love for the lame video games you play all night or your passion for some sport that she might not comorehend, it is not because she is changing herself. It is just a li'l effort that comes out of the intense amount of love that she has, probably. Trying to learn to live with new things is not called adjusting to situations. It is called accepting challenges. Thank you. 

While she does that, she does not expect you to do the same. Well, if she does then probably your decision to walk out is partially correct. She just wants this thing to work out. Not everything remains as flowery as in the honeymoon phase of a relationship and appreciate that she knows this fact. 

"If this is happening, please understand that you are to be blamed for it. You don't have to do things to adjust to my needs. Why do you have to put in so much of efforts? Relationships are effortless. And do you value your efforts? No. Then how could you expect me, or anyone for that matter, to value them?"

Firstly, no relationship is effortless. Secondly, you want her to be independent and not putting so much of efforts for you, right? That is her independent decision. Don't force your assumptions on her. That is her well informed choice, don't force your choice on her. And that is exactly where you are going wrong. She is probably doing it because she likes it. It is not out of any obligation. 

She is trying to fit in your routine, gel up with your friends and take pride in everything you do. That is because she wants to. That is because you are that important that she finds it worth her time and effort. If you feel that she has no life and you are the centre of her universe, you need to get a life! She has a life if she is living beyond you with her own set of people. But yes, you are the most important and probably the only person of the strata of her life where you belong. And that is how it should be, no? 

Love defies logic. You can not have a peaceful life if you start a quest for logic and sense in everything. Unconditional love, yes? That is exactly what you have in your life if you know that she is the perfect girl who has been there for you, understands you and love you more than you ever imagined. She did not ask any questions when you told her you are  done. Even though she deserves all the answers, she knows that where your happiness lies. And that is all she wants - she wants you to be happy. Even if you would have told her that she cheated on you, she probably would have remained quiet because she knows that is what you need - to be happy. 

By saying that, I really don't want you to be sympathetic towards her or see her as a weak and dependent creature. She is stronger than you think. I just want you to realize that people like that are difficult to find and please value her. 

But even then if you decide to walk out because of some of the above reasons, then please do me a pretty favor and never in your life utter the phrase - I was in love. Why? Because when you decided to end it, it was your choice. A choice that came out of selfishness. A choice that defied compassion. Don't blame her if you got bored of the routine. Blame yourself for knowing and still not appreciating the fact that she is not going anywhere when it became boring for her as well. Blame yourself for not treasuring what could have been a wonderful alliances otherwise.

You found it convenient to end it for once and for all rather than trying to understand the what's and why's. And you found it even more convenient to leave her in a situation where she might not be even able to evaluate her years of investment into something which was not meant to be, at least for you.

It is not that you don't want someone like her. She is exactly what everyone wants. It is just that the excess of love in your life made you lose your acumen to understand her importance of doing the right thing at the right time. Escaping out of a situation because you probably can not match the benchmark or value the efforts is not the solution. Going a li'l bit out of your routine to understand the situation is probably one of the solution.

By this medium, I don't intend to bash the male population of the well read and I definitely don't intend to be a pseudo-feminist. All I want to do is to make people understand that sometimes it is okay to see things differently and it is completely fine to stick on to things rather than escaping.  

13 comments:

Vishwesh said...

First of all its a pleasure to be the first one to comment on this post.
One does not need to know you personally in order to comprehend the depth of the post. Five hours spent with you will tell me less about you than five minutes into this post will. As always, I am awestruck by the way you let your emotions out in such a respectful yet effective manner.
I was specially caught off guard when I read this : " If you feel that she has no life and you are the centre of her universe, you need to get a life! "

I should stop now. else I might make this comment a post in itself.
Beautiful, strong and from-the-heart !!
Kudos !

P.S. Meeting friends and telling them about what's going on in life is one way, this is another ! God knows how much I was waiting for something like this. Peace !

Geets said...

The situations that you brought, the instances that you mentioned and the points that you are trying to clear, everything has blended so well with each other.. It was a delight to read this post.

Awesomely well written Sushmita :)

Cheers

Sushmita said...

@Vishwesh!
It is always a pleasure to have you comment here first! :)

I am glad that you liked it! And yes, friends and blog, they complete my life. Thank you :*

Sushmita said...

@Geets
Hey! Thank you for dropping by! I am thankful that you liked the way the post is written Every appreciation means a lot to me :)

Thanks :)

Pratibha said...

Wow simple yet powerful and every word that you have written in this post is so true and close to reality.

Sushmita said...

@Pratibha
Thank you so much for dropping by. I am glad you like the post. Thank you for your kind words and keep reading :)

Ronnie said...

INTENSE! Came out straight from the heart I guess. Am I imagining this to be based on a real case or is it fiction?

Sushmita Malakar said...

@Ronnie Dada..As you like it :P:P

Bharat said...

Nice blog! :)

Bharat said...

Nice blog! :)

Sushmita said...

@Bharat
Thank you so much :)

Aseem said...

Whoa. Now that's a hard hitting post. Wondering if its from a real life experience ;). But can understand where you come from :).

A lot of us are happy and contented as we begin a relationship. But what's most important is how we maintain these relationships over the years. They need to be nurtured and valued.

Sushmita Malakar said...

@Aseem Bang on! Valuing and norturing- we just tend to forget these two important things that we should do with any relationship in our lives.