Companion. - Sushmita Malakar Blog //]]>

Monday, March 16, 2015

Companion.

No matter how much important solitude is, I dread being alone when  I say I need solitude. There are not many people who would really understand this fact and pull me out of my solitude which transforms into loneliness in no time.  There are people in my life who have known me for ages and yet they leave me out when I need a companion the most. And that is how my life has been.

But sometimes, there are these people in your life who come in as strangers and stay in there for sometime may be but make you feel as if they have been there like forever. They would just seem to be a better version of your reflection. And sometimes, they just happen to be the best companion in the times when you just need someone to be there. Not to talk, not to listen but just be there. 

I met my reflection sometime back. Not that I needed to meet someone like him nor was I was looking for someone to share my life with, he just came because may be he had to. I bumped into him when I was the happiest. And stayed when I was the saddest. And I know he will go away exactly in the same way like he came. 

I recently came out of a relationship which seemed my fairy tale. But I somehow realized that how important it was to accept things. Living in complete denial is something we all do and yes, it is wrong. The hero of my fairy tale no longer wanted to live with me because, well, because he felt that the magic was lost. For first time in my life, I did not have anything to say. I was so under the magic spell called love that I never saw this coming. I never disagreed or argued with him that is why I couldn't, even this time. I saw him walking away. I did not see want to cry or talk or argue, all I wanted to do was to sit quietly, blankly. I did not want to introspect or contemplate on what and how my life turned upside down, but I just wanted to run away to a quiet place. At the same time I wanted someone to pull me back from this state of solitude. I knew I might not come out of my loneliness this time. 

And that was exactly when this stranger shows up, again. He knew I would have sitting somewhere, escaping into my solitude. He was right. I was sitting somewhere, trying to come out of my denial state and embracing my solitude. He came and sat right besides me.  

"I really don't need anyone right now. I am okay. And I will be fine."

"I am not here to be the one you need. I am not here to save you either. If you fall, I am not going to pick you up but yes, I want to be the one who stands there to encourage you and see you getting up on your own. Sometimes, it is important to know that you have someone who is going to help you try. Let me be that someone."

We sat there quietly for hours that day. And that is the day when I realized that it is not necessary that you have a companion in life who is a friend or family, it can be anyone who doesn't let you go there where you dread. That moment helped me define my "together". 



This is a part of my life which I tried to convert into a fiction. 

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