The genuine Koschans! - Sushmita Malakar Blog //]]>

Friday, October 28, 2011

The genuine Koschans!

Hello folks! I hope everyone had an awesome Diwali. My blog posts are always about random things happening around me. And then, there is this one point when the ultimate thing happens, which triggers me come here and blurt.

This time I'm here with the silly, stupid, irritating and compelling-you-to-bang-your-head-against-the-wall questions, that people will ask in the obvious situations. And then, I have this impulse of giving them the answer that comes to my mind at the instant. I really thank my parents for teaching me so much of etiquette, really. Else I don't know what would have been today, with my impulse and sarcasm.

On Diwali this year, I was making this rangoli in my front-yard. My flat is a corner flat on the ground floor, so whatever I do in the veranda is clearly visible to the people passing by. So there I was, engrossed in making the drawing, and I had people walking past my head, asking-Rangoli bana rai hai?(Are you making a Rangoli?) *No folks, not at all. Its just like my calender show's the wrong festivals. I had my Holi today, but everyone is busy with the Deewali celebrations, so I thought of playing Holi with the floor. Mother earth, you see!* Talk about blindness!

After this incident, I had a slideshow of all the silly questions that I have come across till date in my mind and I compiled them for you to read. I'm very sure these are the few questions that you see being asked by the genuinely interested people around you.

In your class, you see people wishing birthday to one person. There are people who would walk towards that person, wish him/her and come back. Then there are these people, who would walk towards them and ask-Is it your b'day? *No silly, we are all a part of M.Night Shyamalan's next script where there's this wishing-birthday disease is in the air. Come be a part of it.*
I mean seriously, you don't want to waste your wish or what? Confirming, really?

Whenever I walk in a restaurant with my friends, or family, there is always one friendly waiter escorting you with a smile, and then he/she opens his/her mouth-Would you like a table, Ma'am? *Are you kidding me? Look at the flooring of your restaurant.Do you think I fancy sitting on the chairs, leaving a floor that is THIS awesome?!* C'mon, ask me if I need a table for 2 or 3 or 100, but this? Why, oh why?!

No, I'm not a hypocrite, so I'll go ahead with the restaurant story and write about one silly question that we often throw at the waiters. Is this dish good? *Now, are you kidding me? This is THE dish we use to take out our frustration. Keep guessing!* No, seriously, are we really expecting him/her to say bad things about the the dish?

Sometimes this happens too. You walk in a room, where your friends are sitting, with evidently short hair( or say a tattoo or a piercing), and the comes the million dollar question-Hey, you got a haircut/tattoo/piercing? *What?Where? No!! Run, this room is jinxed! My hair! Ouch my arm hurts. My nose, ouch. Get me out of here!* Trust your sight, seriously!

This one time, I was in a washroom at one metro station. Suddenly a girl knocks the door as in the door that is locked from inside, and asks-Is anyone in there? *Nope, it just that the commode and the wash basin need some time together. ALONE. See, even they should have their time to get intimate.* You are a certified moron, get a label so that people can identify!

Whenever I'm sleeping, there is always someone who would walk into my room and ask- Are you sleeping? And if I don't give an answer, they will ask again, with a higher pitch-Are you sleeping? *2012 is near, I'm practicing dead!* One question that leaves me speechless.

How can I skip this one. There are two identical looking people, and you have your chance to talk to them. You go and ask-Are you twins? *I'm carrying a magical mirror with me. It makes my reflection do anything it wants to.*

The most common one between neighbors. Someone is back from a trip. the neighbor would see him and ask-Are you back? *I took a break from the vacation.* I mean what is up with people? Do they think that they are seeing things(people in this case) or its just an impulsive question that come into their mind? Or is it like they were planning to break into their house and are taken aback by seeing them and these are the only words that manage to come out of their mouth?

There are loads of silly people around us, and thus endless genuine questions the have in their mind. There is a long list. Are you hurt?(When you are bleeding and crying in pain.) Are you crying?(When people can see yours tears and hear your sobs.) Almost anything, anytime. Why can't some people just think before speaking?Now that was my genuine koshchan!

5 comments:

Mahima said...

I really enjoyed reading this. More so because of your impulsive responses mentioned alongwith. :D People can seriously achieve seemingly unattainable levels of dumbness! We toh see and experience this together like every single day. :P God has been real stingy in distributing the internal circuitry of the brain to some people. It is usually more frustrating than hilarious.

CB said...

This was one of the truly humorous posts i have read in a while. Just the right blend of sarcasm and sensibility.

Sometimes my dad calls at the landline and says ' Are you home?' I say " No, i'm still on the way. I appartioned just to take your call." :P
Its not always funny when people state the obvious. Have a number of gems to share. Will do so when we chitchat next time!

Rose said...

@ Mahima
Yes, totally. And you very well know by now, how my blog is a vent for my frustration. I try to be polite and sarcastic, but then, what am I thinking. Do they really go together??:D:PXD

Thanks for complementing my impulsive responses. I know you love them, and I'm sometimes embarrassed by them :-/

Rose said...

@Crazy Brains (CB)
Don't I just love using that name? *sarcasm*

Firstly, thanks a ton! :D

Secondly, I do that a lot, what your dad does. I call my dad on his office landline and "Are you in your office?" And my dad is my idol in sarcasm. He doesn't even say anything, and give that sarcastic laughter, that make you realize what a fool you are! :D

Ritvik Gautam said...

I must say I enjoyed every bit of this. Brilliantly written! :-)